Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I just can't help myself..what a blue again!


I don't know whether I am currently suffered the prenatal blue or not, maybe I am not since I am able to tell and share with you..

So, maybe it is just an emotional unstable which caused by hormone changes. I don't know and can't stop myself to have the cry, I have been crying intermittently, nothing can stop me to have this on and off crying. I tried to sort out the problems (see, maybe I am not that serious to claim myself have the prenatal blue since I am able to sort the problems out), but just can't have concrete thinking and proper solutions to cope with my current situation.

I seem happy and nothing as from my hubby's mouth, of course, I just try to conceal my feelings and thinkings in front of him. For me, I always think there is not point for me to share my thoughts with him. Perhaps our relationship just deprived of communication or what..i am not sure, I just feel there is something there…he is good enough for family, he works hard for us and his parents..but I always think a family not only build up on work and money, I do hope to have a happy family but definitely not this current type. Friend said I should learn what is satisfaction as I don't need to work and we don't have financial crisis, but be frankly, I feel nostalgia for my ex-life in KL, though both of us needed to work and we couldn't have luxury enjoying, I tell you, I still prefer that kind of life at least I have my friends and my career there..somemore I was less lonely that time.

He is great as he never put me in any financial problems, but money is not everything. As a woman, I think I need more caring and concerns from my loved one rather than just know how to give me money. He is the one who likes to share his happiness and sadness with me, he would tell me about his daily happenings of course not in full detailed manner. The way he told maybe such a way to inform me..but he is totally can't share my happiness and sadness, he would show me the most hated sour face or talk sarcastically when I trying to share. That's why I said no point to tell him my currently dreary blues, it only will push me into more deeper hole instead of pulling me out.

I can't deny some of my blues are came from him, what a sudden I realized that he is just so irresponsible, especially for the No.2. I don't want to say it here as I really don't want there is a day my No.2 read his papa's thought from this blog. But, I seem helpless as I can't vent out my thoughts, I hate the way he said, for me I can't see any joyous spirit from him to welcome his son, though he always says he loves him. But what is love? Love is trying to keep apart from your son? His mindset is baby is troublesome (that's never happened when we were having Jo) especially baby needs night feeds. When I told him I will bring back the baby and Jo to China, his first sentence is “who is going to make him milk at night, I won’t be able to do it, I need my sleep”….i remember this…this is such an irresponsible talked from a papa..Second time, I bought the return tickets (from KK to Macau) a week back during Airasia promotion, he said this again “why bring back the baby, can you cope with 2 kids at the same time?”…ok, I remember this again. Baby is a max problem for him, ya, maybe he just prefers us to stay in KK till the baby is old enough, or maybe he wants me to give my baby to my MIL, but I tell you..i won't do that, everyone knows my MIL doesn't like me and I really can’t see a good reason for me to pass the baby to her. I am a mother, I will take care my kids with my full contribution, this is a least line..he said these just reflected how selfish of him. He has his points or maybe he said these for my good sake, but what I felt is he is totally selfish and irresponsible. He even told me it is necessary to hire a maid for his mother when I told him maybe I will let my MIL to take care the baby for few days when I am going to KL. But, please, is it wise to hire a maid for few days only? If he can think to hire a maid, then how come he couldn't think to hire a full time nanny in China who can take care the baby and do some house chores at the same time? So, is it distinct for you to see the situation? He loves his mother, of course, this is his role to love his mother, but he seldom thinks of me even when his mother torturing me during my previous confinement time.

Last Saturday even funny, I was crying while I was lazing on the bed…I never thought he would come in to have his nap and let him see the situation accidentally, he did ask me why but I didn’t tell him, he didn't go further and dozed off. See, he made me dropped to downhill more, even I don’t tell him what has happened but I also yearning for a simple pat or hug. Then at night, he asked me is it whether I don't have a daughter so I felt so down after he got the traces by reading my blog especially the title “I want daughter”. Funny o? I said no…then he said maybe due to I don't have suitable place to do my confinement, ok, I admitted this is part of my problem…he didn't discuss with me further and just said, maybe he should buy another house for me in KK since I don't want to stay in his current house where my PILs will visit the place all the time…he said this but I can't see any clearer picture about it..i know that's not wise again to buy a house in KK since we have one already, we just hope we can settle the house loan in KL asap and buy another property in KL rather than in KK. KK sounds deserted sometimes…

Maybe I am just so lonely and triggered these blues, I need a person who can talk to me, the whole day only Jo who is able to talk to me but the talks are kid's talk, I want an intimacy talk but I just lacked of it..for him, living room is TV time, bedroom is sleeping time..then how about his wife time? Got, talk rubbish of couse have…I tell you, everynight I have to doze off before him, I hate to see the dead silent night after he falls asleep….i prefer sleep before him at least I won't be so down to think why there is nobody to talk to me again tonight..

That's my life here…you see me happy? No..i am not…

OK, I assume he loves me very much in the way of “I will work hard and give you comfortable life, but other things just don’t bother me”…..ok, so I just own his money but not him..i will remember this again..

37 comments:

Jan said...

Aiyo, the hormones are definitely behind this. AM sure your hubby loves you but the way a man thinks and behaves, it's not how we want and expect them to.

You really do need a friend or friends to talk to.

If you are always online, can im us on the msn. We are always online chatting.

give me a buzz. jan_lee@hotmail.com

take care ya...hugs and kisses

karenyiau said...

for the sake of your baby please don't cry.

maybe the way ur hubby express his love is different & not what u expected, but rest assure that he loves u & the kids.

try to talk to friends/blog mummies who can share your concern & advice you. u can im me on g-talk yiaukaren@gmail.com

btw, what's your plan for the coming confinement?

misha said...

my yahoo and skype is always one ..

add me on lor .. so that we can "chat"

skype :siechoo.lim
yahoo messenger : siechoo@yahoo.com

Vien said...

Huisia, oh, huisia. I didn't know you're that unhappy. Like the ladies have said, if you need someone to talk to, come and chat with us online.

First of all, settle down with your confinement plans. Once you have something concrete, you will feel more stable. At times like this, you may seem lost 'cos everything is uncertain. Do it one step at a time. Soon, things will settle down w/o you knowing it.

I'm on msn too; you have my email address, right? Just use that to add me.

KK & WS said...

The hormones definitely behind the blues.

Men is like that, don't know how to express themselve. Me same here but luckily my family is near to me. So, when I am sad, I will just go home and talk to them.

One of the reasons why i choose not to be a full time SAHM becoz i need friends and space for myself. That's why I still opt to work and be finacially independent.

Is there any confinement center in KK? I think you can consider that so that you can minimize the visits from your visitors.

Hang on there...after confinement, do consider whether you want to go back to work and hire nanny to take care of Jo and # 2. It will help greatly.

If you need someone to talk, you can IM me at wswong1@hotmail.com at any time.

Take care, mummy!

XY said...

HuiSia,
Hi I have been reading your blog but I never leave any comment. I think it's really due to the hormone that makes you think that way. I have experienced that too. After the confinement I went back to work and the focus seemed to be shifted. U really need someone to talk to. Think of your children and the plans for them, that will make you feel better.
Take care..*hugs*

IMMomsDaughter said...

Ya, I think a big bulk of your depression is caused by pregnancy hormones. I remembered I used to cry over petty things when I was preggie last time. I too felt like I needed more care & pampering.Because I was preggie with a girl, I felt like my hubby did not appreciate the baby. Of course, it was just me!

Anyway, take care and like all the nice mommies said, can always email me to chat. I think you already have my email add. Btw, I also sent you a mail to your hotmail account already. Pls check when you have the time.

khai khee said...

huisia,
mus be caused by ur hormones. dun ever think that ur hubby dun care. it's maybe jus another way of him showing loves. i can understand how u feel as i m in the same situation as u except i dun have children rite now.

but u should be glad u have ur jo to accompany u. think positively for ur 2 children and making plans for them will take ur mind away from all this problems. take good care..

Grace said...

Huisia,
男人就是酱,总是不懂得关怀自己的爱人。我老公与你的很相似,所以我也曾经很沮丧,很不快乐。跟他表白也做了,吵也吵过,哭也哭过哪又怎样,还是一样没变像个木头人。

我当然不想永远这样下去,所以我把精神寄托在孩子,DIY或者其他有兴趣的工作,让我不再想不开心的事。其实我不是逃避,认为性格是不会改的,江山易改本性难移。

既然你老公无法帮你照顾贝比,我也赞同你聘请佣人或奶妈。

你真的很需要朋友听你倾诉。别忘了你还有我们这一班部落格朋友噢。

misha said...

huisia

see you have so many nice mommies to support you ..

don't be sad anymore ok ?

take care

Giddy Tiger said...

It's good that you have an outlet to vent your frustration, i.e. in your blog. No doubt it is your hormones acting up, you can always count on looking at Jo and seeing what a blessing he has been to you and your hubby.

You have such a wide spectrum of friends all around the world that you can IM and contact us any time of day. Please, do drop me a line if you need someone to talk to, if only to listen to you. Being a SAHM, it helps to talk often to other mommies.

I'm sure your hubby LOVES you to bits, never doubt that. Do take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Listen to some music or just try to relax... Here's some HUGZZZ coming your way....

laundryamah said...

oh dear...definitely hormones playing tricks on ya! cheer up for bb's sake! men..we can't change them but we can work out things around them. since he's not interested to hear u out why don't u do the same to him n see his reaction? he might ask y and then u tell him that's how he does that to u! maybe that will help?? i dunno...

zara's mama said...

I think part of it is hormones.. part of it is your husband being insensetive to your needs.

I think these men sometimes get pre-natal blue as well. Probably worried about another mouth to feed, or night feeds etc. So the way they behave also a bit weird. Mine was like that too when I was pregnant, so I cried a lot too.

It's ok to cry and release your tension but just don't get depressed. Talk to your husband, sit him down and tell him how you feel, confront him, don't let him give you unclear answers. Ask for clarification, confirm things, share with him your feelings.

Hopefully, he'll see where you are coming from and able to let you feel the love you need. I did that a few times to my husband, maybe I nagged too much, he finally understood my point.

All the best yeah?

dragonmummy said...

wei..it's definately hormones going hay wire la. I also wrote about my loneliness and depress a few days ago. Feel like not getting enough attention from hubby. I don't even know how to tell him my need and I'm almost at the edge of straying. It's like feeling no passion, no love, no spark.

And men are like that, when I was pregnant with WH, my hubby wasn't even by my side most time and he doesn't seem to care as much as the first time I was preggy... but after WH birth, I can see how much he loves his son.

And I think your hubby is not finding No2 troublesome, he might just be worried that you might not cope with 2 kids in a foreign land.

khai khee said...

hi, my site URL is www.venusmaria.blogspot.com

thanks for adding me. :)

Min said...

hi!! feel free to add me on your msn !! u can talk to me about anything!! I'll be here to listen to u !! :)
blur_Angel@Hotmail.com or maybe u could read my sad blog as well worthless123.wordpress.com take care!!

Sasha said...

huisia...i was like you. Crying all the time when i was preggie. I am busy at work, but there's always time for u. Okay? Anytime u see me online...remember that.

Etcetera~Mommy said...

HuiSia, HuiSia.. please don't "wu si luen seong". You know when I was pregnant, hubs even said bb should sleep in the next room, ALONE. Gila leh.. but look at him now.. he dont even allow me to move Ryan to his own cot, insist on co-sleeping. I'm sure your hubs is just bad at expressing himself - sometimes they even said stupid things without realising the consequences of hurting our feelings.. Your hormones are playing tricks on you. During pregnancy, we tend to be more sensitive. So, I strongly suggest you don't 'wat-wat-mai-mai', find way to express yourself. Talk to yr hubs (I think he'll know when he read this blog), talk to us.. then you'll know you're not alone. Don't cry...okay. Relax...

Peridot&Sapphire said...

Hui Sia, don't think too much and don't always remember this and that your hubby told before. Men sometimes are like that especially when they are loaded with works and greater responsibility in his career. I can tell u, man sometimes forget what he told u last 2 days.
Remember your feeling and emotion will affect your baby. He feels exactly what you feel and pls cheer up for this little one, be a happy mother, ok?
Your husband probably is worry about how to cope with two kids now and what he told you is logical thinking. In other words whatever he suggested to you in fact show that he cares for you but not in a sensitive-towards- your-feeling way. He maybe also worry about how to perform better in his job so that he can secure his career and earn more for the family (for you and his 2 little children) and that's y he always dozed off easily.
Don't think too much and don't make assumption so fast, I was even worst than you last time... got very bad depression till my baby is 6 months old! Very happy in front of everyone but back to the room suddenly cried so badly and sometimes I even don't know what for to cry as it never solve the problem.
You need to have a stable thinking and planning to welcome your baby, plan for your confinement is very critical. Remember you are not alone as you have so many mommies here, by your sides, ok? Think positively as I know this is a difficult time for you but think for your children, if you are not strong enough who's going to help you to protect them? Whenever I tell myself this, I will stop crying and I hope you will too.

sue said...

Hey, men are like that. Most of them insensitive,but that does not mean the yor hubs doesn't love you. They're kinda like neanderthals LOL... dunno how to express themselves. When I was preggers for the 1st time, at around your stage in pregnancy, I remember having crazy hormonal tantrums, accusing that hubs don't care for me and the child. I also know that we even if they ask us what's wrong and we say "nothing", in truth what we really wan is a simple hug or a caress (but they're dumbos). Keep in mind that I'm always online as well, I see you online in the wee hours of the night as well. Talk to me if you need someone to listen, always here :)

Angeleyes said...

Oh dear! Feel so sad after reading your post. Like what everyone is saying, it must be the hormone thingy so hope it will fly past real soon.

I was like you too, all alone here in a place where I know no one except my hubby's relatives. Just that I'm a little better that I get to spend most of my pregg time with my parents and my hubby will come to visit me every forthnight but we do Skype every night.

Sometimes it is good you vent out all your frustrations so you will feel lighter inside. Just try not to think so much and I'm sure you will be fine in no time.

Think happy thoughts as "A happy mommy gets a happy baby"!

I'm on MSN too, so can add me!
angeleyes_sg@hotmail.com

Binky, Blogging & Such said...

Well, all the mommies out there have said it all - it's the pregnancy hormone that gives you the depressing feeling. And it is NORMAL to be feeling that way. The best way to vent out your feeling is to cry it out. Just cry it out, regardless if Jo or your hubby are looking at you or not. Maybe by showing your cryings indirectly will even make your husband feel alarm about what's hurting you and the baby you are carrying, and perhaps will shed his tough layers outside and bring out the sensitivity in him. I don't know, but it may be worth a try...

I was also crying a lot when I was pregnant, even more so when I had to deal with the untimely death of my dear beagle doggie from cancer while I was already 7 months along. And I also didn't have my family and relatives here in Portland with me while I was pregnant - just myself and hubby. And my hubby also travels a lot, and it makes it even lonelier for me. But I took one day at a time, went out for walks and immerse myself in the beauty around me like appreciating flowers and nature, as well as do lots of readings, Internet surfing, resting, etc...

Your husband loves you, but as like any guys out there, they do not know how to express the correct words to console women, and they became helpless when dealing with an emotional woman. So for them, the best and quickest way to get out of the spot is to just brush it off and unfortunately in doing so, makes the delicate situation even worse and leaves the woman feel and think senseless thoughts.

It is good that you took it out in this blog, and I would have to say this again that it is OKAY to cry it out. And you are indeed so blessed with so many blogger mommies out there who care for you, who "stand" with you. We all have been through the same road just like you. So feel free to drop us a note should you wish to talk. Take care and rest well.

Simple American said...

Thats not right. You need to talk. The worse times in my marriage always involve lack of communication. Intimacy has never been a problem. Lots of cuddling and more. But need to talk. That is most important.

Guys can be dumb sometimes. Even the smartest ones.

chanelwong said...

It is your current condition which make you very sensitive. Even
I myself also face the same thing at times even I am not pregnant. My hubby sometimes also like your hubby but this doesn't mean they love us less. Pray and relax your mind. Email to me if you need someone to talk ok. Take care

Jesslyn said...

I hope you feeling better now.

I am sure he loves you, just that men are not so sensitive like us.

See, so many concern about you, talk to us, dont keep it to yourself.

HMom said...

Hey Hui Sia. It must be hormonal or sometimes, we just tend to overthink about certain things and we feel sad. Try to look at things positively. Every one has their own set of problems, no husband is perfect and neither are we.

For all the things that your hubby made you sad, I am sure there are more things that he has made you happy. Men can be very insensitive at times and it can be unintentional.

Try to take it easy and look on the bright side - you have another bundle of joy coming your way.Soon, you will see everything getting better

Allyfeel said...

Hui sia, instead of focusing on the negative part of remembering words he said, try to divert to more positive thinking. I too having some blues once in a while especially during this 3rd trimester. If I am really not happy with him and doesn't want to express my feelings with others, I choose to write my hubby a letter letting him know my inside. Usually it works. Try it if not, u re always welcome to talk to me/us in msn. Take care n dun think too much! All you need is probably a pair of listening ears.

blurblur said...

I hear you, i definitely hear you, huisia! I feel like crying after reading your post..i know exactly how you feel...

I believe your hubby is going through some 'pre-natal' blues as well, perhaps he's worried about finances and the new added responsibilities...give him the benefit of doubts, i'm sure he loves you!!

If you need to talk, email me - eileen_too@hotmail.com...but hope i won't get too emotional too...those hormones...really wrecking havoc huh...

Let's cheer each other up!! :)

chooi peng said...

I hav almost the same problem as you. Hubby always absent to the NO. 2, nvr accompany me to checkup, nvr talk and seldom feel the baby.

His make his life same as when he is still single. I always complaint to him that his friends and his car is always important than us. I prefer to stay at my mum place than his house as i feel so alone and helpless over there.

fannie said...

*huggies* please cheer up! its not good to feel so blue when u are preggy...i was down before, an u encouraged me too! Try and work things out, and I believe things can improve gradually...*SMILE*

debbie said...

I think I have the same problem like yours. Apart from my family & residing at Jb with nobody to talk to when you are in the deep blues. I cried almost everynite & the hormones did caused that. However, for the sake of the baby, i know i need to be stronger. I want a healthy baby...

So, don't think too much. Life stil need to go on. We all here for you.

aprilWong said...

*pat on shoulder* Take care yourself. Everything will be alright.

shooi said...

Dear dear, i agree with the rest of the commentors too. It is your hormones and of course it diden help that your hubb is a kayu. But it doesn't mean that he don't love you. Agree with Angeleyes, -
Think happy thoughts as "A happy mommy gets a happy baby"!

LZmommy said...

Think all the mommies here have said it all. PLs do take care of yourself ya...
A BIG *hug* for you!

mommy of two angels said...

aiyooo, hormones and thinking too much, and worry too much and also now sudah preggy, very sensitive too...dun be sad la...i also go through that lor...cry cry cry, until finally my hubby panic...see la...one time cry not enuff...cry cry cry cry...then only he realised i got problem...really not "seng mook".

sometimes i think hubby dun say much coz he's also so lost and worried for no 2 & you la! he also dun know what to do...really NO IDEA!!

CutiePrincessMummy said...

Feel so sorry for this, hope am not tat late to leave a comment here.

Sometimes man are just insensitive, i hv go tru the samething too. But down in their heart, they still love u. Only they dunno or forget to show sometimes.

For 2nd baby, last time i always pick up a fight w him. Feel that he dun love or care the #2 much. We always fight & fight bcos of this. But now, he seems very close and doted meimei too.

So no worries, he will loves him as much as he loves you and JO.

Cheer up my dear, am sure the baby oso dun wish the mummy to be down. Take care....

kelly said...

Sorry, I just read this post...a bit late... Didn't have much time to spend online lately.

Do you make any friends there? My family is not here. I feel lonely too sometimes when Hubby's at work. But I have two friends (also SAHM) in Singapore. We would call each other once in a while to chat and share our problems and happiness. That helps.

To me, your hubby is very insensitive. Maybe you should tell him how you feel.Both of you have to stay calm in order to sort out your problems. Cheer up dear!