Monday, April 30, 2007

It happened again..

Pardon me to rant these at the early morning..

I seldom cook dinner when hubby is at home, normally we would eat outside. Yesterday I just had the zest to cook a nice dinner, gave credit to hubby as he willing to help me out some preparation. But don’t be happy so early as you always don’t know what would happen at the next…

The dinner was ready about 8:15pm, but nobody wanted to move their arse to dining table. Fine, Jo always has this habit doesn’t want to join us dinner at dining hall, but his papa even worse to immerse himself in the computer game playing though the dinner was ready to serve. I kept my angry as for baby sake and used my nice voice to tell hubby “the dinner is ready”, eventually he took his seat after few times of reminding him. He didn’t show any interest in the cook dishes, just kept scooping the soup into his mouth. I felt very uncomfortable when seeing that so I said “If next time you don’t want to eat please tell me earlier so that I don’t need to cook”, he retorted me “this is your FAULT, who asked you to cook so late and it already over my dinner time, I feel no appetite at all”, my stream risen a bit once I heard his excuse, the time he up from his nap was about 7:15pm, I cooked immediately once he came out from the room, so still my FAULT? He didn’t say much as his brain just filled with game tactics, and he doesn’t know I am not happy too. Fine, finally half of the dishes were packed inside the dustbin.

I felt very uneasy after I took my bath and some more I couldn’t find my book which I supposed to jot down my unhappiness, you know, I just need a way to vent out but I couldn’t find it even I searching it up and down. Then I just throwing the pen on the table and hit his computer screen accidentally. He was like tiger and started to show his tantrum to me and his banged the kitchen door, I shouted out to him and said “I suppose the one who throwing the tantrum and not you”, my tear just dropped unconsciously after I said that. I went inside the room and turned on the classical music, just hope the music could soothe my sadness down, I worrying about my baby as I don’t know how much I have been hurting him due to my peak unhappiness these days. Hubby came in the room after a while, I was initially thinking he wanted to “tham” (soothe) me, dream la..he just came in and took the towel for showering. Again, he’s driving me to downhill once he stepped out the room…

Suddenly, I don’t know where was the strength came, my tears stop dropping and my sad was cleared, maybe I know it isn’t worth to waste my tear to this man. So I started doing some winter cleaning and packed all the winter clothes into the container and after all just doing my blog hopping. You know, the internet is my least companion and only the way where can let me to forget the sadness temporarily. And, you know, he didn’t ask me a single word though I looked very unhappy and my nose still sobbing there…

I went in to room again after a while as I really couldn’t stand the situation, I felt like wanted to go out maybe stay a night in hotel or whatever, but my plan has to hold back once I think about Jo, how to find a sanctuary with a kid in tow? He came in the room again, ok, this time I really thought that he willing to soothe me, OMG…it’s just my dream again..he came in as he wanted to took the quilt out to living hall and wanted to enjoy his TV program, wife is what? Water only…drink it when thirsty or needed, but recently he is so addicting to wine and bear, water no longer to be his main choice whenever he thirsts …so, can you smell something here?

OK, either he is blind or I am transparent…but the conclusion is, he isn’t blind but he can’t see me as I never exist in space..

Don’t ask me to talk to him, as he is no longer the one who I knew, he looks very impatient even I just said a simple sentence like asking him what he wants to eat…the long holiday is starting from tomorrow onwards, I can foresee my gloomy days during his presence..oh..gosh…I don’t know how much I can bear now?! I know I sound so pessimistic.

Friends, tell me how to leave here… or, maybe I should say how to leave this guy??

23 comments:

OuR NeW LiFe'S said...

Huisia, I can fully understand your feelings. Sometimes my Hub also did that to me too when both of us r angry with each other. And it last us days to get together again.

And now you are pregnant sure u will want alot of care and concern from him. Its tough on u to handle the household and pregnancy all by urself.

If you really think of leaving your hubby then what about jo and your unborn baby? If u really wan to leave, maybe u can go back to ur parents house and stay for few days at least u r more safe to be there rather den stay in a hotel arh.

I think its still best to talk things out after both of u have cooled down. Running away is not going to help in the marriage.

khai khee said...

oh, dear, dun be sad again for your baby and jo's sake. take it easily. have you tried and sit down wif ur hubby and have a really good and deep talk wif him and tell him all your fustration or whatever things that has been kept in your heart for too long.

going on like that isn't going to help things better. and leaving isn't the best option either. men are sometimes so insensitive.

if after talking to him still no improvement then only u think of another option...take really good care, yeah.

Jan said...

oh gosh, I don't know how to comfort you because I feel your pain. It must have hurted really badly becos the effort you put in is not appreciated.

Perhaps your hubby has some problem at work or some issues he cannot settle, maybe that is why he is so aggitated and gets angry easily. Do you have any mutual friends that you both know, if have, perhaps can get that person to talk to him to find out what exactly is bothering him.

Always keep Jo and your unborn child in mind.....stay strong for their sake dear!

take care ya

SiwwyPig said...

Hi. I agree with those who commented earlier. Think for the sake of your children. I guess if you want a break from all this, take a few days time off at your parent's place till things cool down. Then both you and your hubby can talk about it once both are calmed and cool. Talking when either one or both still angry won't help with the situation either. Take it easy dear...

Michelle Wun said...

Me too having a same problems here. My side here hapenning even often. Some times I wish he is outside for his entertainment rather than he is stay at home....

Take it easy. For me, I don't think about leaving the man but I am encourage myself to do my best for my children. My children happy then I am happy.

**All the while I am your silent reader. I know you from Msau.

Anonymous said...

You should really start communicating with ur hubby. Venting online? Does it really help in the long run? Where do u see urself in the next few yrs to come? Still venting online u might be but you will vent about been a single mother making the ends meet. Start talking to him, not to anyone else. Stop asking for attention from a blog, coz u wont get it the problems addressed.

shooi said...

Dear huisia, I am so sorry to read about this. i agree witht he others that you need to talk to him. Does he read your blog? If yes, i hope that he can see that his wife is hurt and be a man and "tham" back his wife.

If not, may i suggest that you write a letter/ email to him. I do that when hubb and I are stucked in a situation where we get into fights each time we talked. The email worked for me as the writing helps me to rationalize things and prevent me from saying the wrong things. Also the email helped to make sure that I can complete my thoughts & sentences without being interrupted. If he doesn't agree, he can reply and i allows u to understand his point of view too.

For the sake of the children, do not think of running away.

I will send you my yahoo ID to your email. I am on yahoo most of the time and pls feel free to ping me if you want someone to talk too.

aprilWong said...

Hui Sia, pls don't cry so much. I can understand how you feel. I will also get very mad when I took all the trouble to cook but it seems that nobody appreciate it. It's like I "loh fu lei sen". Very very sakit hati. I guess you can always talk to Him up there. It always give me a peace of mind after chatting with God. Take care and be strong.

IMMomsDaughter said...

Like the rest of the mommies, I can understand your frustration of being ignored. But most important of all, think of Jo and your baby.

Perhaps your hubby was never a very vocal or openly affectionate person in the first place. I agree that he needs to be more considerate in this case and being stubborn doesn't help. I believe you need a break for all of these routines too so perhaps going back to Sabah this May will be a good thing. Maybe being apart can also open up your communication channel with each other. Finally, try not to think of leaving unless it is really the last resort which I feel is not at this point of time.

estkirby said...

My dear, be patient for the sake of your children (jo and new baby)... many times our anger can lead us to say hurting words and things that we dont mean to say... i believe that you love you hubby very much and dont meant what you've just said....
i agreed with shooi that you should talk to him...either email or notes...it help you to express better than verbal conversation.
please dont think negatively especially now that you're expecting...think happy thoughts! take care of yourself - est

blurblur said...

Huisia, please don' think of leaving him...things are not as bad as you think.

I can totally understand how you feel. You're more vulnerable now since you're expecting, perhaps like what Shooi suggest, write him an email or letter to let him know of your utmost feelings...he maybe facing some problems at work too..

Please take good care of yourself for the sake of baby and JO, don't forget you still have us.

*HUGS*

Eileen said...

HuiSia,I understand how you feel, must be very very sad. I don't know how to comfort you but be strong ya. Talk to GOD and think of Joshua.

Anonymous said...

1. You should tell him not to drink at home.
2. Find out why he don't want to eat, doesn't he feel hungry.
3. How he treated your first son pregnancy, is it that he prefer a daughter, therefore pay less attention to the second one.
4. Make sure he don;t eat other things after lunch when you plan to give him a surprise dinner.
4. Does he face any problem at work, is there anywhere you can find out. Does he brings the stress back home?
5. How is he treating your son?
6. What do you think the reason for his big change?

You are the person should know him best, is there anywhere you can guide him to what you want.

Min said...

hi! i'm thinking, maybe your hubby is facing some problem himself?? i know u r sad to talk to him again , but if u ignore this, the matter will turn from bad to worse! being a married couple, u really gotta give and take! :) cheer up!!

ILY said...

Huisia, you should pray for God guidance. Does the less talking, less eating means he is less loving you? What about other things he has done, is it all for himself?

mommy of two angels said...

hey i think u better find a wise fren to talk to...really! really sad to read this and see you sooo miserable. cannot be like this la...u gotta be strong wor, u got a baby inside and jo that needs u now and wants mommy to be happy...

just to cheer u up and distract u...wei i tag u

join the party k!

1+2mom said...

Same problem here past few years. My MIL teach me to be more patients.Dun worry to be more '吃亏',it wont less a bit of your meat. Talk to him, it will be more difference then have cold war with him. Maybe write to him or with sms??We usually chat in sms when we have cold war, it work.I know what he want after that. Maybe he is the type less talk but with action?? My hubby last time also play online game till no day no nite, nearly divorce because of the game. Think twice it not worth it.Cheer up and takecare of yourself.

jazzmint said...

ooh boyy...he seriously don't look like that kinda man lehh..probably just work stress. maybe you should talk to him and find out. guys always like to keep things aside one

sss1979 aka Nicole said...

oh my... I really hope you two can get along. Mothers day is coming soon.. I do hope he will cheer you up. I knw.. how u feel.. truly.. just dont keep inside. Now u wrote here.. we are here for u.

Binky, Blogging & Such said...

I'm sorry to read about what you are going through now, and being heavily pregnant at this time makes you feel even more vulnerable. There may be many reasons why your husband is behaving that way - could it be that there may be problems at work i.e. pressure from boss, retrenchment issues, customer issues, etc, etc? Maybe he also needs someone to talk too, it's just that he doesn't know how to open up his feelings. Maybe with the upcoming birth of his 2nd child, it makes him re-assess the family's financial situation to support a growing family.

Separation is not the way out at this moment, Huisia, because it will not do any good to your children - being a single parent isn't easy, and I have seen many of such cases here in USA. The mom has to work at least 2 jobs to make ends meet, and even had to get child support (subsidy) from the government. And even worse still is when the child gets sick, so where will the mom get money for healthcare if she doesn't work?

I personally think that commnunication is still the best remedy for the problem. You need to find a perfect moment to start the heart-to-heart talk, and since you said the holiday is coming, perhaps that would the good time to talk when your husband isn't bogged down with work pressure. Find a time when both you and him are in a calm, relaxed mood and sit down and talk in a calm, patient manner - raising voices and walking away doesn't help. (Don't try yanking him away from his computer game because he will blame you even more, and that will not be a good start to a healthy conversation.) Tell him calmly you are making an effort here to listen and share his problems and you need him to do the same, for the sake of both your family and your marriage. One has to start the ball running, and I'm afraid it has to be you to make the first move, so good luck, my dear.

Simple American said...

You should really try and talk. Don't do anything drastic though. Wait for the baby and just do your best for you and Jo. Maybe after the baby comes you can have frank conversation. He may be avoiding those kind of chats now cuz he don't wanna upset you and the baby. Of course it is backfiring. Men are blur to this sort of thing. Though that is no excuse.

Baby Darren said...

oh..so sorry to read about this post as I am sure it hurted you so so so much. I can totally understand. Thank Godness that both of you is back together again.

Hope ur hubby won;t treat you again like this anymore.

Annie Q said...

Dont feel sad Hui Sia, actually me also going through this stage now.Having cold war with my man, maybe because lately too stress, no maid to help me, and i have to do everything myself and taking care two boys and my man dont even lift a finger to help me up and not there to encourage me too. Somemore argue with me!!!Me feel sad too!*sigh*